Tomorrow is the 9 year anniversary of Layne Staley's (Alice In Chains) death and the 17 year anniversary of Kurt Cobain's (Nirvana) death. This post might be a little cheesy, forgive me for a moment while I ramble. Alice in Chains and Nirvana populate the good memories of my childhood and the not so good memories of my teenagedom and adulthood. I was too young to really appreciate either of them at their peaks but I always remember their songs being on the radio. I’ve noticed that for some reason I seemed to have been a little more plugged into grunge and alternative music when I was younger than most people my age were. I think part of it was because I thought the "big kids" were cool but also because I simply liked the sound. I don't know anyone else has such clear memories connected with those kinds of songs from that era while they were still in elementary school. I'm sure there are people out there (please tell me your stories in the comments if you have them) especially ones with parents who were into that type of music. My parents were more into bands like The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, and The Doors, all of which I love by the way. When given the choice of which radio station to listen to I would ultimately choose one that would play songs like Smells Like Teen Spirit
and Rooster
. I was drawn to them before I knew they would become a bigger part of my life later on. Let me get this straight first, by no means do I think that every Nirvana or Alice In Chains song is about drugs. I do however feel that there is are themes of drug addiction, depression, and how they affect relationships in their music. With that said, there's something about music made by addicts that gets to me, particularly heroin addicts it seems. The lyrics and feelings they evoke really pull at my heart in a way most other music can’t. The threads of addiction and frustration that run through their songs eerily mirror my struggle with chronic illness and pain. I find the parallels to be oddly comforting. Sometimes being chronically ill can get really lonely. I can’t always relate to the people in my life because of it. I suppose being an addict is a chronic illness. If you think about it that way it's no wonder the music becomes so easily relatable. It makes me feel a lot less alone.
Not long after I had to leave public school for health reasons I began feeling extremely isolated and abandoned. After awhile I stopped logging on to social networking sites, instant messenger clients, making phone calls, and socializing all together. My lines of communication where still open if anyone wanted or needed to contact me but I no longer had the energy to reach out. No one contacted me or noticed even though I was gone for months. During that time I listened to Hole and Nirvana almost exclusively. In my mind they became sort of like companion bands that bounced and played off of each other. Delving into their music gave me something else to focus on and made it easier to hang on another day. When no one else was around the music still was.
Similarly, last June/ July I was in an immense amount of pain. I knew I was sick but I didn’t realize how sick. One of my only comforts was Alice In Chains. The music seemed to go right along with how frustrated and helpless I felt. My dad had just lost his job so we didn’t have health insurance anymore. I didn’t want worry my parents or make it so they had to spend money on doctors. I hid myself away in my room and waited for the pain to pass. It didn’t. It turned out that I had a severe kidney infection, which led to me having a 104-degree fever. I had to go to the hospital. One of the first things I did when I got out was listen to some Alice In Chains because I had missed it so much. I kept listening to them while I recovered and still listen to them when I'm having a particularly painful day.
All of this is why April 5th hits me hard. Layne and Kurt’s music make up part of the soundtrack of my life. They have been constant musical forces for as long as I can remember. They were there when I was an 8 years old taking a joy ride with my mom around my Grandma’s neighborhood and they were there when I needed something to comfort me through all the pain. I'm going to end this post with some of my favorite videos and songs from each of them.
Nirvana being silly while playing Smells Like Teen Spirit on Top of the Pops because the acts are expected to lip sync.
A version of Hole's Asking For It that features Kurt Cobain. You can actually hear his voice on the album version too if you listen really hard. I wish they had done more stuff together.
Nirvana playing Where Did You Sleep Last Night? on MTV's Unplugged
Alice In Chains playing Rooster on MTV Unplugged.
Bleed The Freak by Alice In Chains
River of Deceit by Mad Season
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